Nuclear Beef

Morgan Spurlock Muslim Exploitation Video Beef Today. It's your right as an American to blast Duran Duran and Tom Petty.

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30 Days - Duran Duran vs. The Call To Prayer' (24mb, .mpg VCD, 2:24) from the FX Network TV Show 30 Days

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Here's a fun little clip from Morgan Spurlock's (Super-size Me) new FX show, 30 Days. I wasn't particularly impressed by Super-size Me, because Spurlock's style is a bit like Michael Moore on a McDonalds crash diet. He clearly thinks he's a lot more well informed than he actually is, so his incompetent agenda-pushing is particularly grating. Plus, as sleepy points out, he's got a pretty annoying voice. Sorta like Michael Moore.

Some of the things he's asking people to do are ethically suspect, like the episode where a man agrees to go on Testosterone and Human Growth Hormone injections to body-build for 30 days. If Spurlock actually cared about anything but self-promotion, I can't imagine how he'd be willing to watch someone risk their sperm count for a reality TV show. It's one thing to conduct experiments with yourself, but 30 Days takes this concept a bit further than, say, the BBC's Faking It.

This clip, for example, is from an episode where Spurlock finds a Christian (the Entertainment Weekly Blurb calls him a "fundamentalist" but he seems pretty low-key to me...) from West Virginia and gets him to agree to live (in Dearborn, Michigan) as a Muslim for 30 days. What's particularly galling about this episode is the lack of education available to this poor guy, who is expected to say prayers that he does not understand. As the Christian faith is quite clear about worshipping false idols, isn't it slightly sadistic to expect this guy to pray to a God he does not worship? Half-way through the episode, he calls Spurlock who gives him a lecture about "The Rules" and tells him to get to praying! I'm not quite sure that Spurlock is sending the message he thinks he is...

Spurlock isn't exactly trying to be a documentarian, but the way he frames the issues on his show provides a sheen of impartiality. But if you listen closely to what he says, he's actually making ideological statements couched in (not-so-)subtle attacks on those who disagree.

MORGAN SPURLOCK : Recently, controversy has swirled over the call to prayer at the Al Islal Mosque in Hamtramck, just down the road from Dearborn. In the Muslim faith, Mosques broadcast the call to prayer five times a day. For Muslims, it's the equivalent to church bells. But in this working class town, people don't see it that way.

WOMAN : Our bells are not putting words in your ears. It's a sound.

MORGAN SPURLOCK : Now what seemed like a case of 'Not In My Back Yard' has become a full-blown civil rights issue, complete with petitions, political recalls and even death threats. That's where Haaris Ahmed, a lawyer for the Council On American-Islamic Relations comes in.

Is it a just me, or is there a touch of contempt in Spurlock's voice when he describes Hamtramck as "working class?" He then goes on to describe those who oppose the public broadcast of the Call To Prayer as a 'Not In My Back Yard' (NIMBY) group, and paints the right to sing loudly over a speaker as a 'full blown civili rights issue.' I should start a religion which calls for me to DJ music at all times on a gigantic soundsystem on my roof. It's a civil rights issue!

And of course the Muslims here are.. victims! How do we know that they're victims? Because a lawyer from the Council On Islamic-American Relations, a PR group with ties to terrorist groups and numerous critics, says so! He provides his side of the story, and balance is provided by.. the hysterical woman quoted above.. and this guy:

MORGAN SPURLOCK: If there was a building next door to your house that was like, blasting that out of a speaker, what would you think?

PISSED WOMAN: I'd be pissed.

DURAN DURAN GUY: I'd go crank up my stereo with a bunch of Tom Petty or, you know, maybe some Duran Duran... and give them some payback. Because that's my right, as an American!

Damn straight. U-S-A! U-S-A!

(But wait.. isn't Duran Duran from England? Wouldn't it be more patriotic to crank up some Creedence?)

UPDATE: Video link was broken, is fixed now. D'oh. Thx to the tongue for the heads up.

Posted by darwin at 08:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Silly Rave-tacular Audio Beef Today. Doop doop doo da doop doop doop.

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'Doop - Jean Lejeux Et Son Orchestre Mix' by Doop from their (out of print) 1995 album Circus Doop

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Remember when rave music used to be fun? When everyone was hyped up by two seconds of sampling time and consequently made the most of it? Today's Audio Beef heralds from the halcyon days of 1994, when techno was techno and ravers were still ravers. 'Doop' is by two guys from the Netherlands, where (according to my google searches) the world 'Doop' has some actual meaning.

I'd never heard this tune before it came up in the shuffle, but apparently it blew up the UK charts and held the number one spot for 3 weeks. The only song even remotely like this which I recall hitting the US charts was 'Swing The Mood' by Jive Bunny And The Master Mixers. I'm not sure what the success of 'Doop' says about the UK record buying public, but consider : the US single charts in 1994 were dominated by Ace Of Base and Mariah Carey. I don't know about you, but I'd much rather hear 'Doop.'

In particular this 'Jean Lejeux' mix is good clean dance bounce fun. It sounds a little dated but the programming is rock-solid and it has a whole lot of character. Horn samples and a loop of scatting jazz singer are used to convincing effect: one gets the impression that a swing band has gone on a tweak binge. Of course, it being 1994, the almighty RAVE HOOVER makes an appearance.

Remember when rave didn't take itself so goddamn seriously? Yeah, me too.

(Congrats to Moe Rex for escaping from the Island of Evil Robot Project Managers. Also if you haven't heard DJ Benzi's new mix 'Summer Madness' you owe it to yourself to peep the samples up at his page. Oh.. and Superdickery simply speaks for itself.)

Posted by darwin at 08:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Legendary Frontmen Gone Solo Audio Beef Today. Frank Black and Morrissey memorialize the drowning.

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'The Swimmer' by Frank Black from his 2001 album Dog In The Sand
'Lifeguard Sleeping, Girl Drowning' by Morrissey from his 1994 album Vauxhall And I

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When artists from classic acts go solo, there's always a question.. do they still have the magic?

How much of that magic was them and how much of it was the other guys, the scene, the moment in time? If the new material is different, they risk losing the old fans. If it's the same, they're washed up retreads, vastly inferior to past glories. Today's Beef are testament to the way Frank Black and Morrissey have battled the tide. And both songs are about people drowning to death!

'The Swimmer' shows Frank Black in classic form. Catchy melodies, a cold groove and tight structure. Pedal guitar and piano fade into the mix while Frank sells his poignant (often cryptic) lyrics with a full-tilt vocal performance. He rides the beat like a MC, punctuating the words perfectly to the instrumental flurishes.

Though it's complexly arranged, it still plays like a simple rock ditty. Most of all, it leaves me with a vivid mental picture of The Swimmer. I want her to never drown.

If someone has an opinion as to why this doesn't measure up to The Pixies, I'd like to hear it. All of Dog In The Sand isn't this good, but it has more than a few songs of this quality. Recommended.

The scene was so tragic
But that was the magic..

Morrissey, unlike Frank Black, lost a lot of respect (and fans) as a result of his post-breakup solo work. I used to think it was well deserved.

After I heard The Killers cover of 'Why Don't You Find Out For Yourself?" and some surprisingly good tunes on 2004's You Are The Quarry, I decided he deserved another listen. I scrounged up a copy of Vauxhall And I and it won me over.

I decided that the real problem with this album is that the music is Smiths-like but just simply not as good. His sound on You Are The Quarry is something a bit new, rocking and different, but whoever was doing his music in 1994 sounds a bit like the Muzak version of The Smiths.

Morrissey, however, is the same as always. Melodrama, breathy, dramatic crooning, desperate romanticism. I like that kind of stuff, so I like The Smiths, and I like Morrissey solo. I ain't ashamed.

'Lifeguard Sleeping, Girl Drowning' is a tragic tale about, well.. yeah. What I particularly enjoy about this song is the way that Morrissey is almost anti-sympathetic.

Don't worry, they'll be no fuss
She was.. nobody's nothing

Morrissey being Morrissey, such clever turns of phrase abound on Vauxhall and I. Another favorite line is from 'Now My Heart Is Full,' where he sings "I'm tired again, I tried again." I'm one emo-ass word nerd, huh? I better end this post before I further ruin my rep. Oh wait... I'm only 16, I don't have a rep yet. *

(Shouts out to Cinnacism who likes Morrissey too. * note : I'm quoting 'Parents Just Don't Understand' by DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince. I'm not really 16.)

Posted by darwin at 11:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Australian Comedy Punk (?) Audio Beef Today. The Drugs take themselves.. less than seriously.

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'J-Love (featuring Miss Pitch)', 'All My Friends' and 'Half Way'

All tracks by The Drugs from their 2004 album The Very Next Of The Drugs

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In case you didn't get the memo, I like funny stuff. This means I like about 30% of this insane Australian album I found on my hard drive. I don't know much about The Drugs, so their self-description as 'Australia's Favorite Crap Band' will have to suffice. Shakespeare it isn't, but it's certainly chuckle-worthy!

'J-Love' came up in the shuffle one day and I thought it was terrible. It is terrible.. terrible like a fox. It references J-Lo and Ben Affleck (aka BENNIFER) and so has already expired a mere year after it was written.

But how could I ever resist faux R&B with lines like :

More baby-faced than Baby-face,
Honey how can I go wrong?
Gonna take my clothes off...
All night long!

'All My Friends' is thankfully not fake R&B. More silly lyrics over pop-punk that you might hear playing in the background as a skater drinks Mountain Dew. In other words, catchy.. crap music.

I'm not sure that the gag matters, though.. this could easily become a rebellious teen anthem:

I used to dream about a time when I'd be old
We'd grow as friends and take our time as things were sold
Your youth is innocence, temptation is a scam...
And most of all my friends know exactly who I am!

Finally, 'Half Way' is a short skit which sums up The Drugs experience all too well. Cheers, mates. Crikey.

(If you haven't yet, you really need to check out the bizarre 'Trapped In The Closet' over at R. Kelly's site. Trust me.)

Posted by darwin at 12:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Darwin Mega-Mixxx Audio Beef Today. Hulk Smashes those who think too much.

(click for larger)

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Darwin - Don't Think Too Much* by Darwin, early 2004
(50 Mb .mp3. 47 tracks in 36 minutes, digital mix. See the tracklist.)

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Sorry for the lack of updates lately, I've been doing important stuff... like playing at a campout 5 hours away... and going to work. I've also been reading a ton of The Incredible Hulk comics from the late 1980s, when Peter David was writing the classic "Grey Hulk" stories. You know, the important stuff...

An update with new music is coming soon, but I realized that I hadn't linked to Don't Think Too Much* recently, so some of you may never have heard it! Don't Think Too Much* is not just an exceedingly awesomer Darwin mega-mixxxtape. It's part of the timeless philosophy of The Incredible Hulk.

You think too much. Never forget it.

Till next time, True Believers! Excelsior!

* Or Too Little!

Posted by darwin at 12:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I was reading this awesomer history of Guns n' fuckin' Roses a few days back and decided to look at the Amazon reviews for Appetite For Destruction. There, I found this gem of the Internet Age. Strangely, it had been posted just a few days earlier...

It's a little too much and a bit obscene. It's GNR!, May 16, 2005

Reviewer: S. Shahzad Aslam (Karachi, Pakistan) - See all my reviews

Being 13, I can't really use the very popular "way back in '87" format, but I still have to say that Appetite For Destruction is the best rock album I've ever heard, and I've heard most, from The Beatles to ... everyone else.

My cousin had just come back from America, and her boombox was blasting out guitar riffs that seemed vaguely familiar ... "Take me down to the Paradise City--" BANG. I found myself finishing the chorus. I had heard this somewhere before! And as I listened the album through (which I'm doing right now -- "My Michelle" is starting) I knew this was my favorite band on earth. Four years on, it still is.

"Welcome To The Jungle" rolles out the Welcomewagon with a party rocker, great riffs and a beat you want to jump to. "It's So Easy" has Axl sounding like ten more of himself, and then the masterpiece that is "Nightrain." It's a fantastic song, and one of the best GNR tracks. "Out Ta Get Me" and "Mr. Brownstone" are galaxies apart as far as tune and beat go, but one is just as good as the other, that is, great. Then that fateful song, "Paradise City," the immortal intro and the brilliant solo, ending with the chorus repeating constantly over some incredible guitar work.

"My Michelle" is another great track about writing a letter to a chick called Michelle; "Think About You" is a great song, too. "Sweet Child O' Mine" deserves another 1000 words - no, paragraphs. The intro is genius, the lyrics are sublime, and the second half is beyond simple, perishable words that vanish as soon as they come out of your mouth. An incredible solo which is kicking off right now, and the ending keeps up the great tradition of Slash and Axl in very (very) loud mode, yet in harmony and complementing each other. Axl/Slash are just as good as Plant/Page, Tyler/Perry, Bon Jovi/Sambora and anyone else, probably better. After that, come "You're Crazy" and "Anything Goes," both lots of fun and tracks you will never tire of. Both are fast-paced rockers, and they're GNR, so they guarantee their quality themselves. To finish, "Rocket Queen" is a brilliant song, one of the best.

From "Welcome To The Jungle" to "Paradise City" to "Sweet Child O' Mine," and lastly, but far from least, "Rocket Queen," this is the only album on my iTunes that gets 5/5 straight through. As for "Rocket Queen," it is the perfect ending. It ends with a very long verse, Axl professing love in a high-pitched voice, and Slash baffling you with the magnificence of the guitar that he plays. A GLOROIOUS ending. And I have only 2 minutes before it starts, so better hurry now. "Anything Goes" will be over soon ...

All in all, this is the best rock record ever, and a prelude to the two albums that, IMHO, are its two runner-ups. This made me hungry for destruction! And best of all, MY parents never objected to Axl's obscenities, and never objected to anything at all until my dad accidentally put on Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Alas! Poor, poor, desecrated disk ... I can mourn later, I've run out of time! Are you still reading? Get the bloody album!

(emphasis mine)

I love Appetite For Destruction and so does S. Shahzad Aslam, 13 year old music fan from Pakistan. If you do the math on his story, he first heard Appetite when he was 9. In Karachi, Pakistan! He's obviously a huge GnR fan, and I send him props from America. Too bad about that Hedwig CD...

S. Shahzad Aslam, if you happen to google yourself and see this... you should start a mp3 blog. You've clearly got the talent and the love of music. And you like Guns N' Fuckin' Roses!!! Rock on!

Posted by darwin at 11:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)