Nuclear Beef

This is a great quote from Richard Armitage at the recent 9/11 Hearings.

(transcript here)

THOMPSON: Part of our responsibility, Mr. Armitage, is to look to the future and to find ways to present to the administration and to the American people and to the Congress that we can, if humanly possible, lessen the odds on another September 11th. Would you give us some notions of what you, if you were in our place, recommend on that score?

ARMITAGE: I think you've got a terribly heavy responsibility: the responsibility to be completely fair and honest without being seen as being partisan. It's hard. It's hard when this tragedy is built up over, I think since 1989, frankly culminated in the attack in 2001. I'd like to give you the easy answer and say, Oh, we've got to completely depoliticize the people who work in the organization, the counterterrorism field. But that's the wrong answer because you do need occasionally some new blood to come into the herd and to spur things up and make sure you're not drinking your own bath water, that you do things in a new way on occasion and that you don't just rely on the old tried and true tricks.

So I don't know that I have any corner on wisdom. Clearly, we have to continue to look very closely at the CIA, law enforcement and personal liberties of our citizens issues and weave our way through those very carefully, but very astutely. And it seems to me that's the first issue. The second is, I think the direction that Director Tenet has taken the Central Intelligence Agency has been extraordinarily noteworthy, but some of us were around at a time when the agency was frightened away from doing the dirty, hard and dangerous work that needs to be done to secure our nation. And I think to the extent that you can make covert actions more acceptable and more understood, more broadly, then you'll be doing the lord's work

Now, I want to be clear. I don't believe this is a Mahatir-like religious slip-up by a government official. I'm quite sure that Richard Armitage, like many Americans, uses the phrase "the lord's work" as a catchall phrase for "a good action" .. but is it just me or did he just say that MAKING COVERT ACTIONS MORE UNDERSTOOD AND ACCEPTABLE is the LORD'S WORK? I think Jehovah might disagree! Politics is hilarious.

THOMPSON: Have you read this book?

ARMITAGE: I'm the only honest person in Washington. (LAUGHTER) I gave it the Washington read.

THOMPSON: You looked in the index to see if your name was in it?

ARMITAGE: And then what was said about me. (LAUGHTER)

THOMPSON: I think I ought to quit there, Mr. Chairman.

I was struck while listening to these the first time on NPR (which curiously has Clarke's testimony all over their front page but did not archive Armitage's testimony, which came immedately after) just how slap-happy the whole affair was. Everyone was cracking wise! At least I'm not the only one...

Special thanks to CSPAN, without whom this would not have been possible. Jeers to NPR for focusing only on Clarke's testimony.

Posted by darwin at 01:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It's So Much Fun It Should Be Illegal, Like Copyright Infringement!

Nuclear Beef, that is

Posted by darwin at 02:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A Child Brings A Home Library Book Shocker.. At 11!

This speaks for itself. I'm sure this was the most important thing that happened in the Bay Area this thursday...

Posted by darwin at 02:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (1)

Get Happy With Shrimp and Steak and You and Steak and Me and Shrimp

This song is actually one of my favorite Donna Martin Graduate triggers because it lends itself to Endless Echolalia, as follows:

"Imagine me and you.. and you and you.. and me and me and you and you and me and you and you and you and me and me and you and me and you and me and you and you... so happy togeeeetheerrr!!

Posted by darwin at 02:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (Reuters) - Pork products processed and distributed from the farm of accused Canadian serial killer Robert Pickton may have contained human remains, police and health officials said on Wednesday.

Pickton raised and slaughtered pigs at the Port Coquitlam farm as a part-time occupation until his arrest at the property in February 2002, and police believe he gave or sold processed meat products to friends and acquaintances.

Pickton, 53, is awaiting trial in the killings of at least 22 of more than 60 missing Vancouver prostitutes who disappeared over the past decade and are feared to have been murdered at the dilapidated farm 20 miles east of Vancouver.
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"Given the state of the farm, and what we know about the investigation, we cannot rule out the possibility that cross-contamination may have occurred," B.C. provincial Health Officer Perry Kendall told reporters in Victoria.

"Cross-contamination could mean that human remains did get into or contaminate some of the pork meat," Kendall said.

Officials stressed that the farm's pig slaughtering operation was not officially licensed and he did not sell processed meat to retail outlets.
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The victims were among more than 60 drug-addicted prostitutes who disappeared from Vancouver's poor Downtown Eastside neighborhood. Families of the missing women expressed horror at the news, with one telling a Vancouver radio station bluntly. "I'm not eating dinner tonight."

I've changed the headline of this story to be more accurate and less alarmist.

This story is a case study in how incompetent reporting feeds hysteria.

I'm amazed at the "drug-addicted prostitutes" description. First, I thought Canada was a perfect paradise.. who knew they had prostitues, never mind "drug-addicted" ones! Second, how does this reporter know that all 60 of the missing prostitutes were drug addicts? Third, what does it matter whether they were drug-addicted or not? Boggle.

It appears based on various news stories that the "drug addicted prostitute" description originates somewhere official.

Mr Pickton, was charged with attempted murder in 1997, for the stabbing of a drug-addicted prostitute at his home, but the charges were later dropped.

So because he previously attacked a drug-addicted prostitute, all the missing prostitutes suddenly become drug-addicted? Does the Vancouver Police just refer to all prostitutes by the title "drug-addicted prostitute"? W T F ?

Posted by darwin at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The Family Guy Coming Back

It's official: Stewie Griffin's plans for world domination shall continue! Stewie, the animated ankle-biter with the killer vocabulary and the endless string of plots to kill his mom and enslave the human race, will return in all-new episodes of Fox's cult hit cartoon Family Guy, the show's creator, Seth MacFarlane, confirms.
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The uncertainty of where Family Guy will land continues the show's erratic history. It premiered, post-Super Bowl in 1999 to 22 million viewers, received rave reviews from critics, was bounced around the weekly schedule by Fox, got canceled in 2002, became one of the all-time bestselling TV shows on DVD last year, added to its fan base, as MacFarlane stated, when it joined Cartoon Network's "Adult Swim" lineup last year and, now, is getting an almost unheard of second shot at prime-time success.

Well, it's a good thing that Family Guy is coming back. It's set in Rhode Island, you know.

The funny thing about this article is that someone got paid to write that crap. There's 70 words in that there sentence.

10 commas.

Footnote: "Canceled" is a valid alternate spelling of "Cancelled." You learn something new every day.

Posted by darwin at 10:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hey, This Is Wrong, That Cow Was a Walker

On Dec. 23, the day it became known that a cow from Vern's had tested positive for bovine spongiform encephalopathy and a team from the Agriculture Department arrived, he barged into the office of the veterinarian, Rodney D. Thompson, and found him "hip deep in the paperwork and writing like a madman," Mr. Louthan said.

The paperwork included the slips a veterinarian fills out on each animal in which illness is suspected.

"I said, `Hey, this is wrong, that cow was a walker,' " Mr. Louthan said. "And he got mad at me and said, `Then why the hell do I have him down as a suspect?' " ("Suspect" describes any animal suspected of being seriously ill, including downers.)
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Mr. Louthan noted that the cow in question was the only one on the downer record not having a temperature recorded that day. It was marked "unable to get temp." It is easy to get a rectal temperature from a downed cow, he said, but difficult to do so in a moving, upset one. He called the absence of such a reading the "smoking gun" showing that the records were changed.

We truly learn something every day. Today we've learned that it's hard to get a rectal temperature from a moving, upset cow. A good day. Also, our buddy with the big mouth resurfaces! Bonus!

Cheers to A. on the hooks. Jeers to the NYT for forcing me to do this before they expire the content!

Posted by darwin at 11:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Karzai: Women Should Vote as Instructed

KABUL (CP) - Afghan President Hamid Karzai offered Afghan men a trade today in an attempt to convince them to let their women vote in upcoming elections.

"Please, my dear brothers, let your wives and sisters go to the voter registration process," Karzai told a gathering to mark International Women's Day. "Later, you can control who she votes for, but please, let her go."

"Now that is a bad idea," said Simi Nakbari, a teacher and mother whose husband reluctantly allowed her to attend the meeting.

"It doesn't seem like a very good interpretation of the rights we are working for. We can select which minister or warlord to vote for as well as anyone."

Democracy in action!

This story is funny, but not ha ha funny. More like oh god funny.

Posted by darwin at 09:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Wal Mart Greeter Steals Baby Formula From K-Mart, Kills Himself

The recent death of a Whitehall Township resident charged with stealing $140 worth of baby formula from a South Whitehall Township Big Kmart shed new light on the growing problem.

The man, who worked as a Wal-Mart greeter, routinely sold formula to convenience store owners in the Allentown area, said Whitehall Township police Chief Theodore D. Kohuth.

Apparently upset about his shoplifting arrest 10 days earlier at the Big Kmart, the man stabbed himself to death on Feb. 12 in his apartment, Kohuth said.

I linked this in the last post but upon closer inspection I think this deserves its own moment in the sun

What kind of guy stabs himself to death over baby food?

Posted by darwin at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Wake Up To Martha Stewart, Every Day!

As much as certain friends of mine might like it, the idea of waking up next to Martha Stewart every day terrifies me. Never mind waking up next to her.. at K-Mart! I shudder to think what sort of bender one would have to go on to wake up at K-Mart. I guess Martha is going to be waking up next to someone new soon. Maybe Rosie can give her some pointers on how to "Slam Bush."

UPDATE: SAVE MARTHA!
UPDATE: I totally pwned Instapundit on the "Slams Bush" headline.

Posted by darwin at 12:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Arab Big Brother Suspended

An Arab version of the reality television program Big Brother has been suspended after complaints it violated Islamic traditions.
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Unlike the Western version of the show, the Arab Big Brother featured a prayer room and separate sleeping quarters for men and women.
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But in Bahrain, where the program was being filmed, more than 1,000 people held a public protest against the show, warning that it was a threat to Islam.
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In response, the Arabic satellite TV channel MBC has announced it has suspended Big Brother. In a statement, MBC said it did not want to be accused of harming Arab traditions and values.

I don't know what's sillier, the idea of Arab Big Brother (Talk About Recursive!*) or the fact that there's an Arabic TV Channel called.. MBC. The shows worth protesting.. are on MBC. This fall!

Actually, it seems like the funniest thing in this whole entry is MBC-TV's Website.

• I'm talking about Arab Governments here, which are almost universally authoritarian and paste posters of the leaders all over the place. Kinda like 1984. Don't get offended.)

Thx to phessler on the hookup.

Posted by darwin at 02:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Can You Imagine What Life Would Be Like Without The Internet Today?

I can't! In Fact.. Here's a Website That Could Quite Possibly CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

Welcome to Nuclear Beef.

This entry goes out to Cyan, long distance dedication!

Posted by darwin at 03:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Liquid soul isn't the only drug you'll come across in this game..

(I apologize in advance for the awful Gamespot writing.)

There are two playable characters in NARC, and you'll switch back and forth between the two as the storyline warrants it. While the characters originally shared the names used for the cops in the original NARC, a 1988 arcade game, Midway has decided to move away from that, and instead, the characters are Jack Forzenski and Marcus Hill. Marcus is a DEA agent with a troubled past and an axe to grind with the drug pushers of the world. Jack is a recovering addict who is taking life as a police officer one day at a time.
...
In a somewhat shocking twist, you'll actually be able to use the illegal drugs you confiscate throughout the game. In fact, they'll actually give you short-term benefits. Smoking marijuana causes the player to go into what the developers call "weed time" which is functionally identical to Max Payne's bullet time in that everything slows down, thus giving you more time to react to a crowd of enemies. Speed, as you might expect, makes you move quickly. Dropping acid fills the screen with crazy colors, but it also gives innocent citizens large jester heads while giving criminals large devil heads--for easy identification. Smoking crack causes the controller to vibrate as though you have a heavy, pounding heartbeat and pumps up the damage you can do. Finally, taking liquid soul turns everyone onscreen into an enemy, but it also lets you kill everyone with one hit (pardon the pun). The developers of the game are quick to point out that while there may be a short-term benefit to using drugs, there's a negative side to it as well.

I assume one of those negative side effects is thinking that you should code a remake of NARC where you can SMOKE CRACK. Maybe the executives at Williams were smoking some crack when they decided to cancel their most excellent pinball division. I guess we'll still get Mortal Kombat 57 1/2 though. You don't know the half of it.

Posted by darwin at 01:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)